Remembrances of Things Past
by blinkie
Summary: COMPLETED! CHAPTER 3 UP! Nataku's
1. Prologue

Author's note: Hi! I revised the fic. To tensaispira, please tell me if you like this version better. I realized I forgot one important element of the gaiden, and that it was Nataku who imprisoned Goku. So, i revised the fic. This is the PROLOGUE. It's still gaiden. For those who are not familiar with gaiden, here's a brief: kenren=gojyo, tenpou=hakkai, konzen=sanzo, and goku=goku. Gaiden involves the previous life of the Sanzo-ikkou 500 years ago in Heaven.  
  
This is my speculation on the events 500 years ago. Of course, I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki nor Saiyuki Gaiden. :- I hope you enjoy the fic, and I'd appreciate reviews. It would only take a few seconds to review! Let me know what you think of this :-  
  
  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
The present: Dreaming of the Past  
  
  
  
Nataku sat on his throne, unmoving as always, a statue seated on gold and ivory contrasted sharply against the gentle undulations of the water lilies in the pond before him.  
  
He sat as always, an active consciousness housed inside an immobile shell. The gods in heaven thought he was dead. Only the Goddess of Mercy knew this was not so, and it was only the two of them who shared this secret.  
  
Kanzeon Bosatsu had visited earlier, telling him how Heaven was preparing yet once more for a possible war. Rumor has it, she said, that renegade gods were planning something terrible. "The details are very vague," she told him, "but if it were true, I think it will be very exciting, ne Nataku?"  
  
The news triggered an avalanche of memories.. He silently sat there, recalling the tragic events of 500 years ago, filled with blood and madness, anguish and betrayal, confusion and fear, and all the possible permutations one could form with these.  
  
  
  
It was a dark day in Heaven. Everyone was gathered at the public trial of Kenren Taisho, charged for conspiring to rebel against Heaven. Indicted as co-conspirator was Tenpou Gensui who was still at large.  
  
The prosecution had damning evidence against Kenren, such as written detailed plans on invasion and assassination supposedly signed by him. Yet Kenren insisted it was all a frame-up. "You realize that without any clear and convincing evidence, you allegations cannot be considered, Kenren Taisho?" God asked.  
  
"Evidence, whatever. All I know is that I'm innocent. I've never had any ambition to rule this boring Heaven, not unlike some people I know here," Kenren arrogantly replied. At this, a low murmur arose in the hall.  
  
"Hey! Watch your language, you boor!" shouted one of God's retainers.  
  
"Order! Order in the court!" God ordered. "What right have you to say that without evidence?" he reprimanded Kenren. "The evidence against you is clear and convincing. You, on the other hand, have absolutely no evidence to support your claims. We will not have any of your lies anymore." God banged his gavel. "Kenren Taisho, it is therefore the decision of this court to....."  
  
"STOP!!!" came the shout from the back of the hall. Heads turned to see Tenpou darting past the startled guards. He kneeled before God, who ordered him to stand. The hall resonated with murmurs and whispers.  
  
"Tenpou!!" Kenren exclaimed, astonished.  
  
"What do you think you're doing!?" God angrily asked.  
  
Tenpou straightened up, chin held high, and said, "Most honorable God, I move to delay the proceedings against the accused Kenren Taisho, as I have uncovered evidence to support his case."  
  
The whispers and murmurs grew louder.  
  
"Impossible!!" Li Touten shouted. "Guards, seize him! He's one of the accused too!!" The guards moved to arrest Tenpou but stopped when God held up a hand. He turned back to Tenpou. "This is interesting. You have been hunted for last three days, being a co-accused in this case. Yet you chose to present yourself with the risk of arrest." God closed his eyes, silent for a moment. When he opened them, he said, "Very well. We will hear you out, on the condition that if this merely a ruse to save Kenren, you will both be banished from Heaven. We cannot have a false delay in such an important proceeding."  
  
The hall suddenly fell silent at God's proclamation. Everyone held their breath to see if Tenpou would accept the heavy terms imposed by God. The silence hung thick and oppressive in the air, and the seconds slowly ticked by. Finally, head still held high, Tenpou answered, "As you wish, your Honor."  
  
The hall erupted into noise again. Li Touten stood up and raised his fist. "This is outrageous!!" he shouted at God. "Why do we have to believe a criminal like him? We have enough evidence to convict the both of them right here and now!!"  
  
"Enough!" God boomed. "Justice is goal of this trial, and part of justice is the assurance that everyone has a fair trial. That is why we will consider his evidence. The trial will resume two days from now." With that, God banged his gavel and dismissed the court.  
  
"Impossible!" Li Touten stormed out of the hall, Nataku following at his heel.  
  
An hour later, all hell broke loose.  
  
  
  
Kenren was talking to Tenpou in the visitor's lounge, under the watchful eye of a guard standing at the doorway.  
  
"It's Li Touten, right?" Kenren asked in a low voice. "Yeah. It was obviously a frame-up. I found these in his room." Tenpou handed Kenren a thick sheaf of paper.  
  
Kenren examined these and nodded. As he handed them back to Tenpou, he stared intently into the other man's eyes. "I fear for you, Tenpou. You shouldn't have contradicted them. I hear they're pretty determined. Now you've become another problem to them, and god knows what they're going to do to you," Kenren said.  
  
Tenpou smiled. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. I just couldn't allow anything to happen to you." He said, placing his hand over Kenren's.  
  
"But that was extremely sweet of you, you know, risking yourself for me....."Kenren squeezed the other man's hand.  
  
This tender moment was interrupted by urgent clanging of the gong. The guard, startled, drew his sword and rushed out of the lounge. Kenren and Tenpou looked at each other, eyes wide.  
  
"Isn't that the alarm?" Kenren asked.  
  
Tenpou nodded. "Yes. That hasn't been rung for centuries." They looked out the window, and this is what they saw.  
  
Thousands upon thousands of soldiers led by Nataku Taishi were marching from the south towards the palace, swords help up high. The vanguard carried the red flag of rebellion. The southern contingent was soon joined by another battalion from the east. People were fleeing in mad confusion, and as Kenren and Tenpou watched in shock they saw a soldier roughly push a woman aside. The woman fell, and she was trampled by the onrush of soldiers.  
  
"Oh my god," Tenpou gasped.  
  
"Shit, this is it," Kenren said, eyes twinkling in mischief. "Time to kick Li Touten's sorry ass."  
  
Tenpou and Kenren rushed out of the lounge. The palace was in chaos. Guards were hurrying to seal the gates. Residents of the palace fled into their rooms and hid there. The two were unnoticed in the commotion, and they ran outside to help the guards. Kenren did not realize that Tenpou was gone from his side as he rushed outside the gates.  
  
  
  
Konzen was slouched in his chair, finishing his paperwork when he heard the gong sound. He sat up, startled. "The alarm! But what...?" He looked out the window and saw the vanguard march past, carrying red flags. Behind them were thousands upon thousands of soldiers.  
  
"Shit! Damn Li Touten!" he hissed.  
  
His first thought was Goku. He looked at the corner where the boy was usually playing. The corner was empty. Then he remembered Goku telling him that he was going to ask "Ten-chan" to bring him to the market.  
  
And just where would Tenpou be?  
  
Of course, with Kenren.  
  
...And where would the two be?  
  
In the royal palace, where the massive army was headed.  
  
Konzen felt the color drain from his face.  
  
"Goku!!!" he screamed, running out the door.  
  
  
  
Nataku fought exceptionally well, as is to be expected from the God of War. At the initial onslaught at the palace gates he slew the heavily equipped palace guard in one fell swoop. Instant victory would have been his if not for the timely arrival of Goujun's army. And Nataku knew he met his worthy opponent when he came face to face with the heretic wielding the fiery sword.  
  
  
  
Kenren was fighting as he had never fought before, sadistic rage burning through his veins. Kenren was relieved that Goujun's army had already arrived and were fighting alongside the exhausted palace guard. Though outnumbered, Goujun's soldiers were more skilled in the art of combat than the enemy. "We may have a chance," Kenren thought to himself.  
  
Kenren easily disposed of three soldiers who simultaneously attacked him. Breathing hard, he grinned. He was actually enjoying himself!  
  
"Now, isn't this exciting. Tenpou?" he shouted glancing over his shoulder at Tenpou. However he was not there. Panic froze his heart. Kenren whirled completely around and barely missed the sharp edge of a sword swung at him. He delivered a swift kick to the soldier's belly, knocking him down. "Tenpou!!!!" he screamed, rushing back to the palace.  
  
  
  
Li Touten and Tenpou were in the palace courtyard, engaged in a desperate skirmish for the sword. Although Tenpou was more adept at fighting, Li Touten had the advantage of size and weight over the other man. Holding on to the sword, Li Touten gave Tenpou a hard shove. Tenpou stumbled backward, and Li Touten punched him hard in the jaw. Bloodied, bruised and exhausted, Tenpou fell to the ground. Li Touten planted one foot on his chest, sword poised over Tenpou's heart.  
  
"Damn you, Tenpou. I almost had it made. You had to interfere." Li Touten raised the sword. "Now you die, sonofabitch!"  
  
The blade of death never made contact as a barreling ball of gold and brown flung Li Touten off Tenpou.  
  
  
  
Konzen made it into the courtyard by passing through the restricted area of the palace annexed to Kanzeon Bosatsu's quarters. Although the palace gates were now sealed, quite a number of the enemy soldiers had managed to slip through but were being subdued by the palace guard. His eyes frantically scanned the area and at the far end of the courtyard he saw Goku collide with Li Touten.  
  
  
  
The impact flung Li Touten several meters away. His head hit the ground, and he felt his skull crack. A screech of pain issued from his lips. His vision wavered dizzily and his side throbbed with pain. Nonetheless he staggered to his feet and blearily saw a small boy kneeling over Tenpou, shaking the man awake. Grinning crazily, he stumbled toward them.  
  
"Ten-chan!! Ten-chan!!" Goku cried, eyes threatening to spill tears. "Wake up, Ten-chan!!" Hands suddenly grabbed him from behind and whirled him around. "Goku!!" Konzen yelled. "Are you all right?!" he asked.  
  
Goku pointed to Tenpou. "Ten-chan doesn't want to wake up. Please wake him up Konzen, please," the boy pleaded, a tear rolling down his cheek.  
  
Konzen put his fingers to Tenpou's neck. "There's a pulse but it's very weak. That figures. He's lost a lot of blood," Konzen thought, noticing that the right sleeve of Tenpou's coat was soaked with blood. He tore off a piece of his own robe and was tying a tourniquet around Tenpou's arm when he heard Goku cry out. He turned to see Li Touten holding a grenade in his hand, the pin pulled halfway out.  
  
"Tsk tsk," Li Touten said in a mocking voice. "What do you think you're doing. Konzen Douji? You're on his side too, eh?" Konzen eyed the grenade. "Tread carefully. You don't know what he's going to do," Konzen thought. "You're wounded badly, Li Touten. Why don't we stop this now? Let me help you," Konzen offered, imperceptibly edging towards the crazed man.  
  
"I think we're too far into this game for me to stop now." He coughed, blood trickling from his lips. Goku whimpered.  
  
"I think it's not too late to help you," Konzen said, edging closer to the man. "If I get close enough, I can grab the grenade," he thought.  
  
"What makes you think I want your help?" Li Touten said menacingly.  
  
"It appears as if your side IS losing. Look," Konzen pointed outside the gates where the remnants of the rebels were either fleeing or falling under the swift counterattack of the loyal troops. "There's no point in continuing this. But you can still be redeemed."  
  
"I'm perfectly happy to die for my cause." He held the grenade high and Konzen froze. "And if I can't win, I'd rather die than surrender."  
  
Konzen's eyes widened and he took a step back as he saw Li Touten pull the pin out all the way.  
  
Konzen turned and ran to Goku, flinging himself at the boy, and the world exploded into flame.  
  
  
  
"FATHER!!!" Nataku shrieked as he saw the courtyard engulfed in flames. Mental anguish heightened the physical pain he suffered from Homura's sword, and he blacked out.  
  
  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Kenren wailed in horror, helplessly watching the tragedy unfold before his eyes. He had reached the palace gates just in time to see Li Touten pull the pin of the grenade. His hands shook the bars of the locked gates.  
  
Tenpou.  
  
Konzen.  
  
Goku.  
  
Gone.  
  
"Let me in!! Let me in!!" he shouted. But no one heard him.  
  
And as he stood there, weeping bitter tears, he never noticed the enemy's dagger descending rapidly towards his neck.  
  
  
  
-end, prologue- -copyright blinkie 2002- 


	2. Chapter 1 Banishment and Betrayal

Author's note: CHAPTER 1 of the fic. My apologies to Joce and tensaispira but I'm afraid you'll be disappointed in this chapter :- i won't tell you why, just read on. Anyway, this fic is an attempt to relate gaiden and saiyuki. It started as a Nataku fic and I plan to end it just the same :- Hope you like this chapter! :- Please tell me what you think of it. To tensaispira and Joce and chric, thanks for the reviews :- They're a big help.  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 - Banishment and Betrayal  
  
Angered by God's decision as well as afraid that Tenpou's evidence would ultimately reveal him to be true mastermind of the rebellion. Li Touten led his followers to rebellion. Heaven was in chaos as his soldiers fought their way to God's palace, fighting the palace guard and slaying anyone who got in their way. The loyal armies under Goujun barely had time to organize themselves for the defense, yet they emerged victorious with the help of an exceptional soldier named Homura Taishi. As the smoke cleared numerous casualties were revealed, among them Li Touten, Kenren, Tenpou, Konzen Douji, Kanzeon Bosatsu's nephew. Goku was pinned under Konzen, unconscious but alive.  
  
Alive.  
  
And Nataku was thankful for that. ------------  
  
Goku blinked once. "Where am I?" he thought groggily.  
  
He blinked twice. A face suddenly came into view. "....Kanzeon-sama?" Goku asked, puzzled.  
  
"You're awake now," the goddess sighed with relief.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked. He tried to sit up, but a sharp pain in his head forced him back down. "Ohhh, my head....." He gingerly touched it and was surprised to find it wrapped in a thick bandage. "What....?" he muttered, groping at the bandage.  
  
Then like a freight train the terrible events of late hit him, leaving his gasping for air.  
  
Ten-chan, bloody and prone on the ground  
  
Konzen talking to crazy man who wanted to kill Ten-chan.  
  
Konzen running toward him.  
  
And nothing after that.  
  
Panic bells sounded in his head. "Konzen!! Where is Konzen??" he asked Kanzeon.  
  
The goddess raised her tear-streaked face to him, mouth quivering the tiniest bit, and said nothing.  
  
He sat up, ignoring the sudden wave of dizziness and took the goddess' hand. "Is he all right? Is he? Where is he?" he asked desperately, squeezing her hand tightly. The goddess slowly shook her head, and the icy hand of shock gripped his mind. Goku felt his world crumble to ashes beneath him, and he fainted. -----------------------------  
  
The trials were held three days after the failed rebellion. One by one the rebels were tried and convicted. The trials lasted shorter than expected as there were very few survivors from the enemy. On the last day Nataku and Goku were summoned to the courtroom.  
  
Kanzeon Bosatsu had taken custody over Goku and now accompanied him to the trial, wondering what Son Goku had to do with this...  
  
Upon entering the room one would instantly know that it was a very private trial. Less than 20 people were present, and what an odd gathering it was. Some were dressed in full military garb, others in the somber robes of the conservative elders. All eyes turned to Goku as he entered, and the hushed tones of conversation fell silent. Goku's eyes nervously scanned the room, and to his immense surprise he saw Nataku seated up front. The boy looked unwell, but managed to smile a bit at Goku. A ghost of a smile touched Goku's lips, and he followed Kanzeon's proud strut toward the front of the hall where God was seated.  
  
Kanzeon seated herself at the chair next to God and gestured to Goku to follow take the seat beside her. God nodded in acknowledgement. "Very well. We are now complete. But before anything else, I want to offer my deepest condolences to you, Kanzeon Bosatsu, for the death of Konzen Douji."  
  
Kanzeon nodded minutely. "Thank you. But if you don't mind, I would like dispense with the formalities and get this trial over as soon as possible."  
  
"Of course," God agreed. "This will not take long." He cleared his throat. "Goujun. You may take the stand."  
  
The general stood. "Thank you, most honorable God," he bowed low. "The events of late have been most tragic," he started. "The entire southern contingent was wiped out, and of the eastern contingent the recorded casualties are few but we suspect they have gone into hiding, perhaps even descended to earth."  
  
"However, I digress. This joint trial was called in order to decide both the fates of Nataku Taishi, charged for direct participation and treason in the rebellion against Heaven, and Son Goku."  
  
"What does Son Goku have to do with this, Goujun?" Kanzeon asked, surprised.  
  
"The answer to that is simple enough,' The chief elder interrupted. "The most unfortunate events of late came without warning. Heaven never had a problem like this before. For millennia we lived peacefully. Why the sudden change then? The only logical reason the Council of Elders could find was that the trouble began when the heretic," the elder pointed his finger at Goku, "was brought into Heaven." The other elders nodded their heads sagely in assent.  
  
Goku trembled beside Kanzeon. "Kanzeon-sama? What's happening?"  
  
"Ssh. Let me handle this," she whispered. She felt a whisper of trepidation in her heart. Such arguments were dangerous in a time such as this where people are apt to believe and do anything just to bring back the normalcy of the past. Although she is one of the five gods who rule the Heavens, it is still God's will that prevails. She had to tread carefully now....  
  
"And what proof do you have for your allegations?" Kanzeon asked.  
  
"Proof? What proof do we need?" The elder's voice rose. "Is it not proof enough that never before has a rebellion occurred in heaven, and that the heretic's arrival preceded it? We know that it is his evil aura hat has corrupted the minds of our people, for they have always been obedient and contented here."  
  
"I find no merit in your claims. You blame the corruption of our people's minds on Goku's presence. But has it not occurred to you that change comes from within a person and not from outside? Although one may be influenced by his environment, ultimately it is one's own self who decides if he will change or not." Kanzeon smiled. "Now then. are you saying that our people here have no minds of their own, then?"  
  
"Kanzeon Bosatsu!" the elder looked shocked. "Why are you defending him? whose side are you on?"  
  
"Ch. I'm on no one's side. I just think your ideas are foolish and ill- prepared," Kanzeon smirked. "I think we are done for now, Most Honorable God."  
  
"Very well. We will settle the issue later. Goujun," God nodded at the general, "you may continue."  
  
"As I was saying, this trial will decide the fates of Nataku and Son Goku. On the subject of the other accused, the military by unanimous vote moves for the banishment of Nataku Taishi from Heaven," Goujun declared.  
  
Everyone turned to look at the boy, whose head was bowed.  
  
"We all saw with our very own eyes that Nataku led the rebels to the palace. He was fighting for them, not for us." Goujun glared at the boy. "And I cannot bear to countenance the fact that he, of all people, would do this. As the appointed God of War he should know that his responsibility and loyalty resides in the name of the Most Honorable God. If this treason was committed by any ordinary soldier it would not be so disappointing. But this, I just cannot countenance it, as I am sure you cannot yourself, Most Honorable God.'  
  
"True." God nodded. "I am surprised and deeply, deeply hurt by this betrayal, Nataku. I just want to know why you did it. What do you have to say in your defense?"  
  
"I was only following my father's orders, Most Honorable God," Nataku whispered.  
  
"What's that? Do you mean to say that Li Touten's word is more powerful than mine?" God boomed. "Who is it you worship here? Is it not I whom you must all bow down to? Is it not MY will that is absolute here?"  
  
Nataku was silent for a while. When he looked up at God, anger was flashing in his eyes. "You ask me, who do I bow down to?" His tone was menacingly flat. "Do you expect me to answer that I bow down to you? I always did in the past. But never after you made me into what I am. Never after I became your killing puppet." Nataku spat out the last words bitterly.  
  
He stood up, hands clenched tightly at his side. "You made me into what I am, and you abandoned me. My father was a bastard, but he was always there for me. He was there whenever I come back, bloody and damn near dead from the battles you people are too cowardly to fight yourselves. He was there to heal my wounds and nurse me back to health only to have you kill me again."  
  
"You ask me, who do I bow down to? I tell you then, look at me!!! " Nataku shouted "You took my childhood and innocence away. You left blood and corruption in its place. Do You expect me to be thankful for that? Do You expect me to love you for that? If You do, I'm sorry but I hate You." The boy paused, catching his breath.  
  
"Banish me, then. I don't care. Kill me if you want. That would even be better. You've been killing me ever since, so you should finish what you started. And don't give me your bullshit that gods are not allowed to kill, because I've killed countless in your name, and blood on my hands is blood on yours."  
  
Shocked silence hung over the room, heavy and ominous, like a cloud threatening to burst rain.  
  
"Nataku," Goku whispered, breaking the silence. He did not understand much of what was going on but he could smell the tension and anger crackling like electricity in the air.  
  
"Such impudence!" one of the elders shouted.  
  
"Grant him what he wishes then!" another joined in. "Let's see if he's as brave as he is now!"  
  
Nataku smiled frostily, eyes pinning the owner of the voice. "Now I know I'm not the only monster in heaven." The voice was struck silent.  
  
God banged his gavel. "Order! Order!" he shouted. The room quieted down. God peered down at Nataku. "Such impudence indeed. Yet that is what I like about you, Nataku. You're fearless in the face of danger. That is what makes you a perfect candidate for your position. But I fear your grief for your father has overshadowed your reason. We will resume your trial when you are in a better frame of mind." The room echoed with murmured protests mingled with Nataku's own. The boy stood stood, disbelief etched into his features. "What? No!! You can't do that! Judge me here and now and let's get this over with!"  
  
"No," God shook his head. "In accordance with the precepts of justice, we will delay your trial. We cannot countenance sentencing a person whose reason has temporarily taken leave of him."  
  
"I'm not insane!" he shouted. "Quit playing this game now!!"  
  
"Enough!!" God boomed. "I've had enough of you for now." He turned to Goku. "As for Son Goku, the arguments against him are convincing. I believe his continued presence here will is detrimental to our well-being. I hereby banish him from Heaven and order him imprisoned in the earth below for as long as it will hold him."  
  
Nataku immediately protested. "You can't do that! He's not proven guilty!"  
  
God turned to him, eyes burning. "I told you I've had enough of you!" God banged his gavel. "The trial is at an end. Sentence will be carried out immediately." He stood and left the hall.  
  
  
  
~end chapter 1~  
  
~copyright blinkie 2002~ 


	3. Chapter 2 Imprisonment

Author's note: CHAPTER 2 of the fic. This is a very short chapter. The next one will be longer (I've finished writing it but it still needs a few adjustments) To tensaispira: I don't know if Konzen died in gaiden but from what I've seen in the opening of saiyuki I THINK it was nataku who imprisoned Goku. To anyone who knows the truth, please correct me if I'm wrong.  
  
Sorry if anyone got disappointed by the deaths in the previous chapters. Don't worry, they'll be back :-  
  
Thanks for all the nice reviews! I do plan to continue this. Any comments on the writing, the plot, or suggestions/ stuff you'd want to see in this fic, please don't hesitate to write. Take care you all! :-  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 2 - Imprisonment  
  
Goku was waiting with the guards when Kanzeon arrived, Nataku in tow. Although the boy was technically a criminal, his sentence was still on hold, so Kanzeon could bring him along without any trouble.  
  
"Kanzeon-sama! What's happening?" Goku asked, voice quavering, eyes wide with confusion.  
  
Kanzeon looked at the boy, sadness in her eyes. "We're bringing you back to earth. You'll have to stay there for a while."  
  
"Why?" Goku asked innocently.  
  
Kanzeon could not find the heart to tell him the truth. Instead she said, "Well, because Heaven's not a safe place to stay yet."  
  
"Konzen and Ten-chan..." Goku's voice faltered.  
  
"Yes. Even gods are not safe there. That is why you have to go."  
  
"Konzen...he saved me...and Ten-chan..I.." Goku's voice hitched.  
  
"Ssssh, "Nataku said. He took Goku's hand and they all commenced the long walk to earth in silence.  
  
  
  
"Here we are. Five-Finger Mountain." Kanzeon stopped at the entrance of a massive cave carved into the side of the mountain. Darkness pervaded the interior and the smell of damp earth wafted towards them. They entered the cave, a somber procession of seven, Kanzeon led the way, Nataku and Goku still holding hands, were in the middle, and the four guards brought up the rear. It was a shallow cave, and it did not take long for them to reach the smooth rock face which was their destination. A pair of shackles dangled from it five feet off the ground. Goku stared at them, dumbstruck.  
  
"What's this for? You're going to chain me up here?" He looked at Kanzeon, forehead creased in a frown.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But why? I don't want to be left alone here. It's so dark..."  
  
Kanzeon suddenly reached out her hand and planted it squarely on the boy's forehead. Goku, startled, tried to squirm out of her grasp but Kanzeon merely tightened her grip. She began to speak, voice barely a whisper in the darkness. "Son Goku, child of the earth, this is the start of your ordeal. Bear it with fortitude, with the strength only you possess, and you will be rewarded in the future. We shall be with you. Now, I take away your pain and memory. Live anew." Finally, Goku fell to the ground, weakened, barely conscious.  
  
"K-Kanzeon- sama!....what...?"  
  
"Sssh," Nataku comforted the boy as he shackled the boy to the wall. "Think of it a gift for you. The blessing of forgetfulness." As Goku passed out, Nataku felt a slide down his cheek and drop onto the rock floor, where it glimmered in the pale light. "I'm so sorry, Son Goku. Goodbye friend." He turned and walked out of the cave, Kanzeon and the guards following him.  
  
  
  
~end, chapter 2~  
  
~copyright blinkie 2002~  
  
~TBC~ 


	4. Chapter 3 Redemption

Remembrances of Things Past by blinkie  
  
Author's note. First of all, I'd like to thank all who reviewed. You're all so supportive!! :- I'm glad you like the fic. This is CHAPTER 4 of the ongoing fic about the events of Nataku's life. I had a difficult time writing this because I know very little about Nataku's personality. If it's OOC, just tell me ok? :- I'm really not sure how he ended up in a coma and all, but this is my version of it. If any one of you knows what really happened, I'd be glad to hear. In the meantime, enjoy. :-  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: Redemption  
  
  
  
It's been a month since he imprisoned Goku in Five Finger Mountain.  
  
How does he know this? one asks, observing the windowless room completely devoid of objects that tell the time.  
  
It's really very simple. He knows this because he had his own way of counting time. Two plates equals one day. Since he'd already seen sixty plates come and go, that meant he'd been inside for thirty days already. Sixty divided by two equals thirty. It's that simple.  
  
He was pleased with his ingenuity, yet he had begun to wonder whether he was going just a bit crazy. Counting plates....well, that was something a normal person wouldn't do...  
  
"Well, how else am I supposed to count the time in this place?" Nataku said aloud, annoyed at the tiny condescending voice in his head.  
  
The lone echo of his voice answered him and he sighed deeply.  
  
He gingerly sat down on the cold metal bed in his prison cell, painfully aware of his solitude. His supposed insanity merited him a separate room which was a luxury compared to the dungeons: spacious, padded, shimmering clean. Infinitely better than the dungeons in that respect, yet severely lacking in one element the dungeons were full of: companionship.  
  
Ha, Nataku thought sourly. "severely lacking" must be the understatement of the century. The term "lack" connotes something that is present but is not enough, like maybe a lack of food, or a lack of clothes, or whatever. This room does NOT lack companionship. There's NO companionship to speak of in the first place.  
  
His father was dead. Goku was gone. Except for the prison guard who deposited his meals twice a day, Nataku had not seen anyone. And why not? Because there were no visitors allowed. God said so.  
  
"God said so." Nataku thought, disgust pulling his lips into a sneer. "God said so."  
  
I'd gladly give up this "princely" room anytime for the dungeons, he thought.  
  
He was very lonely, and he often awoke from his naps to find his pillow damp from tears and his heart heavy in his chest. He tried to remember his dreams but they eluded him, nimble mice that would scamper away every time he got close enough to catch them. All he could remember was the feeling of despair and fear he woke up with. He tried instead to recall those treasured happy moments of the past yet found them unable to pull him up from the pit of despair he sunk into a little more each day.  
  
Questions gnawed at the edges of his soul, at the edges of his mind, threatening to unravel both completely:  
  
He wanted to know what kind of a world allowed a boy of ten like him to become the God of War and he wanted to know what kind of a father allowed this.  
  
He wanted to know why people talked behind his back, and why he always heard the word "monster" in these whispered conversations.  
  
He wanted to know why he allowed himself to be played like a lackey - by his father, by God, by the whole damned heavenly court.  
  
He wanted to know why accepted this all in bitter silence.  
  
  
  
Events of the past month had left a deep scar in his soul. They came to him in the bright sequence of snapshots taken one after the other, burning their details in shocking clarity deep in his mind. No matter how hard he tried, he could not forget that final deadly moment when he saw his father turn to him, mouth turning up in a sincere yet sorrowful smile, just as the grenade exploded. Nor could he forget that hellish trial where the aura of hate was so thick that it literally froze him in his tracks as he entered the room. Nor could he forget the betrayed and hurt look he saw in Goku's muddled eyes as he chained him to the rock face. And interspersed with all these terrible memories was the image of sakura blossoms wilting as soon as they fell into his bloody hands.  
  
A premonition, perhaps, or maybe a revelation of a part of him which he tries to cloak with duty and obligation?  
  
Perhaps. He wasn't interested in the hidden meaning of dreams but the image bothered him nonetheless.  
  
  
  
He desperately needed someone to talk to, to pour out his feelings to. Yet there was no one. He was isolated from the rest of the world, confined to his dark prison. "My own world," Nataku thought with a ghost of a smile on his lips. Yet if one looked at his eyes that precise moment one would not see mirth but bitterness. "But even if I was out of this cursed cell, I have nobody. No one cares. No one had ever been there for me, not even Father," Nataku thought sadly.  
  
As he lay on his bed, eyes blankly staring up at the lone white lightbulb blazing brightly in the ceiling, feeling the familiar sting of hot tears fill his eyes, and the dull ache in his heart, he remembered reading a book which advised prayer as a therapy to problems. "Prayer?" he scoffed, cynicism sharpening his words. "To whom will I pray? There are no gods in this Heaven who can help me. I can take care of myself."  
  
"Can you, really?" That insidious, condescending voice again. "It seems you confuse care with masochism. Self-inflicted suffering. I wouldn't call that care, really."  
  
"Shut up. I'm really tired."  
  
"Tsk tsk Nataku. You're really pathetic. Talking to yourself and all. No wonder you're in such a pathetic state now. Shielding your eyes from the truth that was obvious to everyone at the trial. I think you're going crazy.  
  
"I don't believe in prayer."  
  
"But you believe in yourself? What if your own self does not merit your confidence after all?"  
  
"Shut up. Just shut up!! I don't want anymore of this now. Just shut the hell up!!" He slammed his fist into the padded wall, feeling the satisfying crack of the cement behind the cushion. He was breathing hard, his breath coming in rapid little puffs. He stood there, head bowed, listening for that voice to speak again.  
  
And it spoke, the cold words like a slap on the face. "You're weak, Nataku."  
  
He threw himself on the bed, hot tears streaming down his cheeks, and thought, "I don't want anymore of this. Please, no more. I can't take this any longer." He repeated this over and over in his mind like a mantra.  
  
I don't want anymore of this. Please, no more. I can't take this any longer.  
  
I don't want anymore of this. Please, no more. I can't take this any longer.  
  
I don't want anymore of this. Please, no more. I can't take this any longer.  
  
He fell asleep with the mantra spinning dizzily in his head.  
  
  
  
For once, he did not dream of darkness. He dreamed instead of white lilies floating in a crystal-clear pond, a soft breeze rippling the water, and he dreamed of strawberry fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, where he and Goku sat, giggling and eating the luscious fruit, sweet juice trickling down their chins and staining their lips red, and he dreamed he was happy, very happy....  
  
  
  
A slight noise reached his sensitive ears, causing him to wake up. His room was overwhelmingly bright, and the brightness stung his eyes. He shielded his eyes from the glare and tried to search thru half-closed eyes what the source of the noise was.  
  
The noise came again, louder this time. Out of instinct and for fear of possible attack, he immediately sat up and came face to face with a woman who let out a throaty chuckle seeing that he was awake, and said, "Nataku. You had a good rest? You've been sleeping for quite some time now." Nataku was still trying to identify who the person was, the brightness of the room sending sharp afterimages behind his eyes, the intoxicating dream clouding his mind, when felt a stab of pain in his abdomen. His mind cleared and he recognized Kanzeon Bosatsu. He groaned in pain and clutched his abdomen. Concern filled the boddhisatva's eyes and she gently pushed Nataku back onto the bed. She examined the wound and frowned. "You're bleeding again. You re-opened your wound"  
  
Nataku replied, "If you didn't surprise me I wouldn't have jumped so quickly." He touched his wound and groaned again when he saw blood smeared on his fingers. "What are you doing here? And who let you in? I thought God said no visitors allowed."  
  
A flicker of irritation crossed Kanzeon's face. "Ch. I don't care. I'm here because you called me."  
  
Nataku glanced at her. "Called you? Why would I do that? I hardly even know you."  
  
Kanzeon smiled. "You called me," she repeated softly. "I heard your prayer."  
  
"What? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Your prayer."  
  
"I don't believe in prayer."  
  
"Belief doesn't matter. You called, and I'm here."  
  
Reality hit him hard again for the second time that day. Nataku's eyes widened. "I called? You...but....but...." He was struck dumb by her reply .  
  
Oh yes, the mantra.  
  
"So that shit really works??" one side of him was in wonder.  
  
"Oh my god, what have I done?" the other side of him panicked.  
  
Nataku could not say a thing.  
  
Kanzeon smiled again. "Close your mouth," she said, reaching out and pushing the boy's chin upwards. "You look like a fish."  
  
Nataku turned away from her. "I feel so ashamed," he thought. "Imagine, she knows I'm weak. My deepest secret now found out..."  
  
"Ch. Mistake or not, I'm here. I already know. You think by sending me away I'll forget your heartbreak? I wouldn't, not even if I wanted to." A shadow of pain flashed in Kanzeon's eyes. "There's really nothing to be ashamed of. It's only your pride that makes you think so," she said, apparently reading his mind. Nataku opened his eyes and stared into hers, finding nothing but compassion and a bit of humor dancing at the edges.  
  
He took a deep breath and decided there and then to trust her. "Kanzeon- sama. You'll....help me?" he asked, hoping but still not quite daring to believe she would.  
  
Kanzeon said, "In a way, yes I will help you. That's why I'm here. But you also have to help yourself. I can only do so much," she said, spreading her hands apart and shrugging.  
  
"So, are you ready?"  
  
Nataku nodded.  
  
"Now, close your eyes. And trust me on this..."  
  
He closed his eyes, and soon a sensation of pure bliss filled him. Nataku felt as if a great weight was lifted from his heart. His heart soared and, for the first time in a long time, he felt happy again. .  
  
  
  
That day (or night? No one could tell.) was the turning point in his life. It was the day he, in a sense, died to the world. Kanzeon had given him the respite he had longed for: a respite from the world of confusion and hatred and sadness he faced everyday.  
  
A sign of weakness, yes. A sign of surrender, yes. But in the end pride does not serve any purpose but to isolate one from the world and then to feast on his misery and solitude until the end.  
  
Yet although he had the semblance of death he was alive inside. He was aware of his surroundings, he was aware of himself. The only difference is that he was blessed to remain in his throne until such time came when he was ready to face the world again. And he was content to wait, merely an observer, not a participant. After all, waiting is what gods do the best.  
  
~TBC~ ^_^  
  
Please tell me what you think of this chapter! :- 


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